book review: 5 Things Every Parent Needs to Know About Their Kids & Sex

As a mom of 4 daughters, I chose to read this book to review because I hoped to find a resource to equip me in talking with them about sex. I was not disappointed by Miller’s book; it is candid, honest, and useful.

Ms. Miller is very open about her qualifications for writing on this topic. She shares about growing up as a pastor’s daughter and the sheltered life that didn’t prepare her for the real world of sex. She endured sexual abuse at the hands of a youth pastor in high school, which led her to turn to pornography and have an unfaithful relationship with a young man she was engaged to before finally breaking free by God’s grace. She is now a speaker at colleges and churches on the topic of sex, and is happily married. Her story is heartbreaking yet encouraging, as she shares how God has healed her and is using her to bring light and hope to a subject that can be intimidating and even terrifying for parents.

Ms. Miller’s 5 points center around one thing: your child is not the exception. In talking to our kids about sex, the ineffectiveness of sheltering, mainstream media offerings, pornography, and sexual abuse, she underlines the fact that avoiding talking with them in hopes of not “spoiling” our kids’ innocence will only backfire. They will learn about all these topics from someone, and don’t we want it to be us, their parents?

She explains that the best approach is not just one big conversation at some predetermined age, but a lifetime of open, respectful discussions that are age-appropriate and that can and should be initiated by both parent and child. Families should determine their values and then cover these topics in light of that. The best way to protect our children is to educate them and to prove ourselves trustworthy listeners and information givers. Ms. Miller gives very thoughtful information based on her most up-to-date research, as well as providing updates via her website 5thingsbook.com.

Each chapter ends with very practical tips (“The Bottom Line”) as well as a written interview with an expert on the topic covered within. I feel well-equipped to have meaningful conversations with my daughters, and am not intimidated by issues that may arise. I am thankful for this book and highly recommend it to parents who want to have honest, real conversations with their kids on a hard but beautiful subject.

I received a free copy of this book from Baker Books, and was under no obligation to provide a favorable review.